Rhetorical Dysfunctions
Acute neuro-flatulary dissemblemania – obsessive lying, accompanied by a delusional belief that it’s the same as the truth as long as the lies are consistent and incessant, most noteworthy sufferer:
Chronic reflexive blameopathy also known as Rosencrantz-Guildenstern syndrome — a compulsive need to shoot the messenger, most noteworthy sufferer:
Dispeptic hypofactual blovioma – a condition in which the volume of speech increases concurrent with a decrease in factual content, most noteworthy sufferer:
Multi-positional panderemic briberalgia – a common affliction in the business community: it’s the uncontrollable need to play both sides of every issue and pay off everybody involved, this condition is often accompanied by a rash of white papers, most noteworthy sufferer:
Paroxismic Hyperbolicosis (aka the “red-faced shrieking disease”) — a seizure disorder in which the body, possessed of uncontrollable anger, shudders uncontrollably; a rapid rise in blood pressure pushes all the blood in the body into the facial capillaries; a corresponding drop in blood pressure within the liver causes a volcanic release of bile simultaneously from the mouth and anus, most noteworthy sufferer:
Recurrent mytosistic folliculitis – a virulent affective disorder more commonly known as “obsessive hair splitting,” most noteworthy sufferer:
Texas Trenchmouth – not an organic or systemic disorder, this degradation of the oral faculties is caused by neglect of basic rhetorical hygiene; it’s most often seen in people who cannot escape the heat of the moment to get their heads straight; its most apparent symptom is a continuous dark oozing from the mouth, accompanied by a pungent odor; left untreated this invasive disease can progress to permanent brain and ocular damage, causing irreversible delusions about the nature of reality, most noteworthy sufferer:
